TOP FIVE AND AND A HALF WAYS TO CALL IN SICK

1) Don't be afraid to call in sick on a Monday or Friday. If you do this though call in sick the following day as well. That way it looks like you are really sick. If you call in on a Friday call in on Monday as well. It makes you look really down and out and gives you a nice long weekend. Of course you'll probably be fired for being a slacker but whatever. You got to ride that weekend out because come Tuesday you're done.

2) When you call in, have running water in the background. Tell your boss that there's been a flood. It's very original and works great. Unless of course you're not a hard worker to begin with. Your boss will see this as "the last straw" and now have an excuse to fire you. 

3) If you can muster enough strength just go in and be prepared to give your best dramatic tour de force of your lifetime in the acting genre. Every time, your boss will ask you to go home so that you don't infect the office. If you are hung over though make sure to keep popping altoids. However, being that this isn't your first time coming in hung-over your boss is probably used to it and smells the booze coming out of your pores. You probably get a lot of, "did you drink at lunch?" What that person doesn't know is that you didn't drink at lunch you just stink like booze from the night before. So pretty much you're fucked. 

4) In the famous words of George Costanza, "it's not a lie if you believe it." Don't tell a soul that you are faking. In the end it will be engrained in your head that you really are sick and years down the road you won't even remember that you were faking.

5) If there's absolutely no way that you are going in call around 6am before anyone gets to work. Don't sounds sick as your boss will think your faking. Just try and sound somewhat normal but you want it to sound as if your trying hard to sound normal. Again, you got to be ready to get your act on. On the phone it's easier though. Everyone's done that before. Tell them you'll do your best to come in later on in the afternoon if you can. If you feel like it put in a call in later on in the day, but usually you are pretty safe.  

6) I've never done this one which is surprising since I'm a horrible person but the death of someone will get you out of anything. It's just terrible and I know people who have used it. Their soul's are black and rotten though.