I haven't been following Kathy Griffin's career but I read a recent article about how she's made her fame being Self-Deprecating. I think she had some show where she called herself, a D-List Celebrity.
I've never seen it but if she's making a career about being self-deprecating I'll be happy to help her out. How about...
You're ugly as fuck
You're not funny
I can't name one thing you've ever been in
Howard Stern ranted that you are known as being a 'Dead-Fish' in bed
You're hideous looking
You look like a troll
You're voice is annoying
Even in a drunken black out I would deny you going down on me
You're crotch has cobwebs
No one is ever excited to see you when you enter a room
You're ugly as fuck
and...
You have red hair and that means you have freckles and you got to be a hot-ass red head to pull freckles
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