I try and be hip with the times and sign up for an Account on Twitter and I get banned after only one day. I was just trying to express myself and keep people updated on what I'm up too. Here's what banned me....
7am-I just woke and put my hand between my ass cheeks and smelled it. It kind of smells like a really, stinky pussy.
7:30am-Just put my dick between my legs Buffalo Bill style.
10:00am-Driving around with no destination looking for someone to cut me off so I can yell at them. Oh here's one...Pretty sure I'm racist now when driving.
11:00am-Just saw a homeless man on the street with his arms covered in tattoos. I'm assuming that he's a drunk or a drug-addict because he's homeless so I decide not to give him any money. He shouldn't have spent so much money on tattoos.
11:12-If anyone knows of some good underwear, please advise. I'm constantly having to scratch my under-carriage and it looks like I have crabs...which I don't but I have had.
11:30-I also had jock-itch once. That was almost as bad as crabs.
12:00pm-Just passed a guy driving his motorcycle without a helmet. Would love to sit down and have a cup of coffee with that guy and listen to why he rides his motorcycle without a helmet. Is he compensating for a small dick?
12:12-Remembered that I have a small dick and hoped that it didn't affect my rep as I know it as a 'viciously-skilled lover' since I've had to fake numerous times in bed. Then I remembered it was because I was so piss-drunk and usually woke up in a puddle of my own urine so I'm pretty sure the 'viciously-skilled lover' is not what I'm known for when I'm humping.
1:00-I just saw an obese man wearing a sweat-suit smoking a cigarette. If you're just going to quit at life at least change the sweat-suit.
2:22-Desperately looking for a piece of wood to knock on before it turns 2:23
4:20-Watching a Seinfeld rerun. Wondering how Julia Louis-Dreyfus shaves her puss and if she's changed styles in the last ten years.
6:00-If I ever hear of any friend of mine likes to watch 'Everybody Love Raymond' I will defriend him.
7:00pm-Wondering what it would be like to 'BALL' a midget.
7:30-In line at the grocery store watching some poor-bastard get his debit card rejected. Now laughing at him when I hear him say,"I don't know why that happened? I'm been having trouble with it all day. It must have been because one of my credit cards was stolen and I had to cancel it." Want to say to him,"you just don't have any money." Then thinking that I should probably shut my mouth because there's a strong possibility that I don't have any either and I'm going to be using the same line.
7:50-Now watching some old-bag in the same grocery-store line write a check. Is that even legal? There's got to be some grandfather-clause with grocery-store-check-writing.
8:40-At a bar watching someone get a bartender's attention and then have no idea what they want to order. When they finally do decide what they want and the bartender comes back with the drink they looked shocked that they have to actually get their wallet and pay the man or give him a credit card for a tab. Guy was definitely born and raised in LA. Needs to try that back East so a bartender will give him the royal beating he deserves.
11:30-Wondering what it would be like to kill someone and if it's a good buzz. Thinking about googling 'killing people' to see if it's really true that you can go to Thailand to shoot someone.
11:40-Probably shouldn't be twittering or toittering about killing people.
12:00-Off to bed. My comforter hasn't been washed in over a year. I can see cum stains on it, but they're mine so it's cool.
1:30-Just woke up to drain my piece. Decided to go in the fridge and grab a block of cheese. Debating heating it up and having sex with it but decided to just bring it to bed and eat it.
2:30-Just woke up from a nightmare. I don't get scared from the nightmares because I'm used to them. I get scared that I'll remember them and in the morning and analyze them. It's the analyzation that scares me not the nightmares, so I put it into my subconscious with the rest of my twisted thoughts.
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment