1) There will be no eating at a dinner table. The dining-room table will continue to be used for the mail and eating will continue in front of the TV.
2) Shaving of my back will commence once-a-month with a one day advance notice.
3) Do not yell at me if the door is unlocked since my dream is to have someone attempt to come in and rob the place so that I can murder someone and tell my friends what's it like to kill somebody.
4) Anything that needs a phone-call like a discrepancy on a bill or a part isn't working on a grill that was just bought expect tons of yelling and cursing.
and last but not least...
5) There will be no pooping in the bathroom...Tell her this as you're taking a poop with the door open.
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