GOING TO A CONCERT ON THE FIRST DATE By Trevor Nicholson

Seems like a good idea. Everyone loves a concert right? Wrong. Firstly, if you ask a girl to a concert and she agrees, she might not be into the artist or into music at all. Even if you ask her if she likes the artist she may say yes because she doesn’t want you to judge her on her musical taste…which of course you are doing.
If you don’t adhere to my warning and decide to take a girl to a concert make sure it’s seats and not general admission.
The general admission could turn into a terrible situation because there’s the risk of the ‘intoxicated-drunk-groper-guy,’ which is rare but is a possibility. In general admission if you go to the bathroom you might lose her for the rest of the night pondering the thought, ”did she leave or was she kidnapped?” You don’t want that kind of guilt on your conscious.
The real problems start when the artist starts to play live. You didn’t factor in that it’s a first date and the goal is to get to know each other. Now your only form of communication is yelling back and forth in each other’s ear pretending that you both can hear each other, which you can’t, but you both nod politely ‘yes,’ anyway.
If you want to dig deeper there’s the dancing aspect. She might start flapping and flailing like a drunken witch doctor and if you’re superficial like me this might be a huge turnoff. The opposite might occur as well if you go beyond the ‘head-nod’ and start to ‘let the music take control,’ and she starts judging you by your handclaps and syncopated-twirls.
Then there’s the alcohol. If you’re the guy who gets a beer every ten minutes (a raging alcoholic), she might get scared due to your intake and not want a second date. If she is a boozer this can backfire as you might be carrying her home, or she might in an attempt to be polite join you in your heavy consumption even though she’s not a drinker and throw up on you.
The plus of going to a concert on the first date is that you might get a second date out of it since you won’t have a chance to talk to each other, you bought the ticket, and she might feel bad for vomiting all over your go-too first date, perfectly wrinkled, linen-shirt.

DISTRACTION WHEN DRIVING

You got to get with the times if you’re into distractions while driving. Texting while driving is so 2009. Masturbating while driving is the ‘in distraction’ right now.

TOP FIVE PEOPLE YOU DON’T WANT TO SIT NEXT TO AT A CONCERT By Trevor Nicholson

1. The Coke Snorting Talker-These are the people that will continue to tap you throughout the whole concert insistent that you are interested in the fact that they met Mike Gordon once while he was driving a golf cart through the Bonnaroo campsite. They will tell you this story over and over and have no recollection that they’re repeating the same story.
Warning: If you try and tell them you can’t hear them over the music they will talk louder so you might as well let them talk at a volume that the music can be heard over.
2. The Shirtless Spinning Male-In hindsight this person means no harm as he’s just into the music and wants to dance. More power to him. I’m so self-conscious and insecure that if I start to dance I’m convinced the whole crowd will stop watching the band and start to watch me. I shouldn’t even use the word dance since all I do is throw an occasional fist pump in the air, and then glance around hoping that no one caught me. The bummer of the spinner is that he’s bound to get sweaty and he’s bound to rub up on you by accident on multiple occasions. He’s just trying to have a good time so try and shake it off, but it’s a Germaphobes worst nightmare as it’s very Along came Polly basketball scene esque. Attachment below:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rbzmef4E3NsT
3. The OD Victim-If you’ve attended enough concerts you’re going to be plagued with sitting next to the high-school sophomore who snuck out during the week with his or her friends to a concert and consume copious amounts of drugs and collapse in their chair. His or her friends are usually just as bamboozled and will insist that he or she is fine despite the fact that their friend is slumped in their chair, unconscious, and drooling with their eyes rolled in the back of their head.
This will ruin your concert experience if you have any morals, as you should get help with some EMTS on hand at the venue. But you’re doing a good cause, and helping somebody out.
You can then throw into conversation how you save somebody’s life.
“So how’s work? Work is good but what I am really passionate about is saving lives. Just last week I was at a concert….”
4. The Screamer-I get that people get excited but if you’re a screamer you need to gauge your surroundings. The general rule of thumb is to yell and scream before and after songs and during explosive moments in the song. Sporadic yelling is fun and if you’re confident enough with your humor maybe yell out a joke, as long as you’re not heckling the band or blurting out, “Play Free Bird.” Although I heard someone say that at a St. Patrick’s Day Bagpipe Parade which worked.
It’s the person who just screams for the entire concert. This person also typically seems to be the same person who decides to stand up when everyone is sitting down which is such a bummer if you’re sitting behind him or her.
5. The Fighter-I can’t remember the last time I saw this guy at a concert. I’m thinking the nineties, but you still got to be on your guard. One false move, like the spill of a drink on the wrong person’s shoe might trigger someone to go off. These guys typically exist at harder music concerts that are in a general admission venue. Although I once thought I was peeing in a cup and I was actually peeing on someone’s shoe that forced me to run out of the venue like the coward that I am. And that was at a String Cheese Incident concert so be careful.